I'm not sure...

...why this tripped me up so bad, but the other day, I was shopping in Wal-Mart for a few things that we needed but had never thought to buy, like a flashlight and a kitchen-specific fire extinguisher.

I was standing in line, waiting to check out, and it was one of those situations where there are only two registers open and 50 people are trying check out and go home with half the store in their buggies, all at the same time.  Suddenly, another lane opens, and a huge crowd, thinking they'll all be first to that party, charges for the lane.  You're left with a dilemma.  Because, once that other lane opens, you decide you're already far enough up this waiting line to just stay put, lest you be put at the back of another new line.  Then something goes wrong with the cash register.  Or the person checking out has to write a check like it's suddenly '92 instead of '12 when we all use plastic.  Something prolongs your stay in this insidious line, whereas ten minutes ago, you were sure that staying in this line would get you out quicker.

I was in this dilemma.  The woman two people ahead of me, leading the line and checking out with half the store's grocery section, was trying to buy some bagged fruit like bananas, and the clerk kept claiming that the scale didn't work, was tilted, something.  He called for backup.  Backup never came for this man.  The woman was forced to leave her bagged fruits at the cash register and go home.

What tripped me up wasn't how long the wait was (I'm actually rather patient with those things), or how incompetent the clerk was (of course he quit right when I got up there to check out and another guy came in his place, had to punch in his code, and take forever because I've done something really awful in a past life).  It was what the lady at the front of the line with the bagged fruit bought.

It was clear this woman had a family.  She bought a lot of breakfast items, like two or three boxes of cereal, and the fruit.  I'll assume they were having tacos for dinner one night, as she bought three packages of soft shells.  I began to add this all up in my head.  These are things I buy as well, you see.  One box of cereal is close to $3.  And a package of soft shells is close to $2 depending on what brand you buy.  This lady had already racked up $15 in just cereal and shells!  This began to upset me in a way that I'd never given thought to before.

Holy crap, I thought.  Her grocery bill is going to be really expensive!  Whenever I go shopping for groceries, my tab usually comes close to $60.  I've never gone over $100, the whole time I've been buying groceries for Justin and me.  While my aim is to spend sparingly, it's also a matter of numbers.  For two people to eat lunch and dinner (neither one of us eats in the morning, for various reasons) four days a week, Monday-Thursday, should only cost about that much.  At least in my neck of the woods.

I then began attributing this thinking to other things.  I was in that line for a long time!  When we have kids, they're going to be added to the grocery bill.  Things like peanut butter won't sit in the cabinet for months at a time like it does with us, they will eat it!  Then we'll have to buy more!  And what about stuff outside the grocery store?  They'll need clothes, and school supplies when they get that age.  Before that, they'll need diapers and bottles.  They'll need cribs and blankets and baby stuff!  This all became very overwhelming to me as I stood in this checkout line.  For the first time in my whole life, having a family scared me.  I've never attributed a financial side to having a family, because that wasn't attributed to me as a child.  I have fond memories of going school supply shopping every year with my mom and Luke, and we bought clothes, paper, pens and pencils, notebooks, everything.  For TWO!  And my mom never cared.  She paid the cashier.  She never told us to put something back because we couldn't afford it or didn't need it.  We went home with our new stuff and never gave it a second thought.

I really hope my family ends up like that.  I don't want to be scared of having a family.  I want to be prepared, and ready for it.  I want it to be a wonderful thing.  But right now, thanks to my overactive meditation in checkout lines, it's scaring the crap out of me.  Having to buy food for twice as many people as Justin and me, and having to get it all in the car and put up...I don't know.  This probably sounds incredibly silly to those who have kids and don't think about these things.  I guess I've been on such a baby binge for the last couple of years, and I felt like my clock was ticking, and all that.  But now, I feel like if we didn't start a family until I was 30, it'd be okay.  This is confusing.  Oh well, one day at at time.