A Pissed Off Rant.

I just came across something on Pinterest that made me really angry.

If you are a woman who has a Pinterest account (seriously, who doesn't?), you've probably seen pins with this same general idea..."# of things you can do for your husband," or "how to show your husband that you care."  I never really had a problem with these things, because I do want to show my husband that I care and I do want to do things for him to make him feel special.

However, I came upon this blog post tonight and it really boiled my blood.  It is titled, "25 Ways to Communicate Respect (to Your Husband)."  I took a look at it, thinking it was another little list of nice things to do in favor of your man that I could take a few notes from.

But in reality, it's just a chauvinistic list of ways women can feel less empowered and more possessed by their men.

I think that #2, which reads, "Honor His Wishes: Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when he gets home from work or keeping the house tidy or limiting computer time. Don’t make him ask twice. (Philippians 2:4)," is what really pissed me off the most.  Don't make him ask twice?  He's not my parent, lady, he's supposed to be my partner!  Oh, and by the way, please get a better Bible, because I looked up that verse in my own Bible, and it simply says to pay attention to other people's interests in addition to our own.  It doesn't say to cower to your husband (moreover, it is in relation to how Jesus wants us to act toward one another, not a one-way street).

What is this, 1952?  The author of this post clearly thinks so.  It says in black and white (according to her) that I as a wife should do whatever my husband asks of me, without the burden of him having to ask more than once.  Almost as if I should be honored he even asked me to do it once.  I am not his slave, his housekeeper, or his mother.  I am his wife.  He respects me and I respect him.  Know what's not respectful?  Treating your wife like a slave, a housekeeper, or an employee.

And what about the husbands?  It's okay for me to have to ask him more than once to pick up his dirty clothes (that I wash), or bring his dirty dishes to the sink (where I have to clean them)?  But I better not take one damn thing he says for granted or just flat-out not obey him, lest the Lord smite me?  What the hell!  Why is it that wives always get the boot where respect is concerned?  Why are wives always expected to respect and bow down to their husbands (according to the women who pin these things), but husbands are never expected to show respect to their women?  It's almost like it's the norm for women to poke around their homes in pre-pumpkin Cinderella garb and have lit-up faces at the idea of their husbands being satisfied at their work.  It makes me sick.

Yes, in case you haven't figured it out, I am a a feminist.  But if you want the truth, I'm more of an egalitarian.  I believe that men and women should operate on totally equal ground.  If a woman wants to be a mechanic, and a man wants to be a ballerina, there should be no problem with this.  Despite my current state as homemaker, I am not a big fan of gender roles.  To be more specific, I am the smallest increment a fan can be of the expectation of gender roles, which is what we have here.  Women are expected to cater to their husbands without expecting anything in return.  This is bullshit.  Men should offer respect right back!

As I said earlier, Justin is my partner.  We work together to form this life we live.  He does not own me simply because I am married to him.  Nor do I own him.  Not only is he lucky to have me, we are lucky to have each other.  I thank God for him everyday.  This absolutely does not mean that I am suddenly responsible for making sure he his happy.  I am solely responsible for making myself happy, and if doing things for Justin makes me happy, then that's one thing.  But being expected to always want to do things for him is being a slave.  Likewise, Justin isn't responsible for making me happy, either.  But he wants to.  And I want to make him happy back.  Because I love him.  Not because I'm afraid he'll have to ask twice for me to get something done, or because I cower to him.  We both said vows at our wedding, not just me.  I feel like the blogging/pinning community really forgets or understates that sometimes.

And how dare you bring Bible verses into this!  God never said that men should be the owners of the household, he said that we should love one another - that our joy may be full.  Not the husband's joy, our joy.  This isn't that hard of a concept.  Mutual respect and mutual love.  Marriage is many things, but a one-way street it is not.  That's 101, the first thing you learn in a marriage.  You both have to give, or the weaker side will crumble and the foundation will follow.  I just can't believe so many women feel this way.  The former pinner of this post even said that "every women should read this and start putting these ideas into motion!"  Ugh, disgusting!

Do take note: I am in no way, shape, or form saying that husbands should not be respected.  I am saying, with every fiber of my being, that that respect should be shared mutually between the couple.  I feel like women are already shut down enough through gender roles, and this just enables stereotypes and unfair expectations.

In closing, ladies, please.  Get a grip.  In the words of Sebastian the Crab, "Jeez, mon."